;x OURPROMISE// Holdmyhand :DD x;

Saturday, June 7

If there's any title suitable to describe my very last day at dvc this june, I'd call it "My poignant experience". No, poignant is too mild a word, and it doesnt fully describe those jumbled up feelings I had. Perhaps "A rollercoaster ride of emotions" would be a better one. Gah, what am I doing thinking up of titles for no apparent reason...

I arrived in rgps in the morning feeling lighthearted, yet there seemed to be a burden on my shoulders. The feeling was undescribable and unbearable. At one point of time, I just wanted the day to pass quickly so that I can get over it as quickly as possible. I threw my bag down in the empty A9 classroom and had a good look at the place where I had such a great time over the past 5 days. And then when I walked back down to the canteen, everything felt so at home with me. I felt as if I had been there for a long long time and I was going to be there for as long as I want, except that it not true-Im not coming back again, at least until december.

How ironic life had been for me. Merely a week ago, I had commented on how the place had seemed so unfriendly and aloof, cold and unhomely. Now, its the exact opposite... I reached the canteen just in time to see Nicole arrive. She complained to me that she was late because her mother didnt want to wake up so early. The rest of the "waiting for the kids to arrive" morning was pretty much a blur, since I was so absorbed in my own world and being emo.

Friday was seriously the funniest of all funny days. I think my partner got so warmed up to the kids that he had no qualms about doing all those weird actions and saying the lamest stuffs to keep us laughing non stop. I laughed til I had a side stitch! During break, my partner and I stayed back in class to cut circles, with Nicole beside us complaining about how slow we're cutting them. Obviously, in this case, the culprit is my partner, who cant cut for nuts!

We finished all the experiments slightly after lunch so that we could practise for our concert item later in the afternoon. Lunch was burgers and baked potatoes, which was the best lunch we've had for days. Making all the props for our skit was the messiest! Like my partner had said, the whole room just turned into 第二世界大战, with them using all the props to fight each other and all. The whole scene was so chaotic and disastrous. My partner devised a way to make spears for them. At first I was quite doubtful that it was going to have any resemblance of a spear at all. Turns out that I neednt have worried. It did look like one. No wonder he's in aero engineering! After helping him with the spears, we compared the first spear made and the last spear made. There was a stark contrast in the quality indeed. Shows exactly how practise makes perfect. Speaking of that, I finally managed to pull the wheezles and start it off without turning it after trying it out today. My partner taught me the technique of doing it in the hall while watching other classes perform. Its really amazing how he manages to get that thing to keep turning and turning nonstop so effortlessly.

Anyway, back track a little. When we were in class before lunch, Ryan came to me and slit a piece of brown cardboard into my pocket.

"Jie jie, you only can read this when you go home okay?" He looked at me so innocently and worried that I would read it now that I immediately promised him that. Unfortunately, I am a rather curious person and when he was not looking, I whipped it out and took a peek. There, on a triangular piece of cardboard were just 6 words that were enough to make me so touched.

"I will miss you, from Ryan"

Especially when it came from him, the act don't care about anybody kind.

The rehearsal for the skit took only 3 tries before time was up. My partner and I just sat on the steps of the stage and watched them practise. Mean old him made so many degrading comments about a certain kid in class which was so funny I just had to laugh even though it was downright mean of him. When we were watching other classes perform later, he even commented that one child looked exactly like a hamburger! The first class performed something to do with 3 little pigs if I remember correctly. There's definitely something about pigs thats all I know. My partner said as a matter of factly, " Aye? 三只小猪啊？奇怪了，为什么你不在上面？"

Gah!

And then somehow I dunno what led to it, but he was talking about kang kang and laughing until tears came out of his eyes. I was super amused by how he was so super amused by what he said. Zi high this is what I call. Our class's performance was really not bad, considering that we only practiced 3 times and everything was done today. My partner said that they had stage fright.

Then when I was sitting there chatting with my partner, Terence suddenly hugged me from the side and gave me his huge cheeky grin. Oh mann, it was so sweet and cute I just wanted to bring him home there and then. Too soon for my own liking, the whole thing was over and the kids scattered all over the hall and out of the entrance. But that was not before Ryan and Terence both told me that they would never ever forget me. I stared at the back of the leaving kids, watching until they were no longer in sight, with a lump in my throat and unable to speak at that moment.

In a flash, debrief was over. I had my cheque and receipt and I submitted the survey form. I was free to go already, no longer bound to the camp by any contract of sorts. Yet, I didnt want to leave. It was the same as a bird being held captive for too long not wanting to leave its cage even when the door to its cage is open. I wish that I could possess the same mindset as my partner-"Don't know, don't bother" or is it "Don't bother, don't care". Main purpose here is to get his money. Oh wells. Money is one thing, but the joy of working with these kids has a greater lure for me than the dollars.

I walked to the bus stop with my partner. Or rather, he was behind me. We didnt talk since he was on his phone. AND he was speaking english for the longest time I've heard! Still come and say he not used to speaking english. While waiting for my bus, I still felt pretty alright. But when my bus came, and my partner bid me goodbye, I got up the bus and nearly cried in public. The overwhelming feeling of emptiness and knowing that I probably would not ever see these kids and my partner again or interact with them brought up all the hidden emotions within. My pride was all that prevented me from tearing in the bus. The whole journey was a rollercoaster of emotions. I thought back of the funny times I had in the week and laughed. I thought of the angry times I had due to the kids and smiled. Finally, I thought of today as my last day, pictured my partner waving goodbye, saw the kids running off to their parents, rewatched Ryan and Terence telling me that they won't ever forget me, took out that brown cardboard Ryan gave and I was gritting my teeth, willing myself not to cry in public.

I was so listless by the time I reached home that I wondered if my mom would sense anything when I got home. As usual, when she opened the door, I forced a smile as if nothing has affected me, and went straight to bathe. Once the door of my toilet shut, I stopped controlling and just cried on and off. At some point of time, I almost couldnt be sure of whether the water flowing down my cheeks were the shower water, or just tears. It sucks mann. Sometimes I wish I wouldnt be so sentimental over such stuffs and just be immune and MOVE ON. But then again, there would be no joy if that were the case. Yet, ironically, the joy experienced brings you even more pain eventually. Its an agony having to decide between no emotions or feeling happy at first then miserable later when its all over.

Sighs...I hate saying goodbyes no matter how inevitable they are...

Im off...to emo some more.

Our Promise (:

10:28 AM