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Friday, August 11

haha... haven't found time to blog for ages. now since i finally pushed aside some computer time, i might as well just blog a bit.

1st thing i wanna say:
i'm quite sad actually that CCA has ended. Somehow, it has interwoven into a part and parcel of my life and without CCA, life just feels so empty. On meetings days at 3.30 i glance at my watch, and a wave of panic surged through me. I'm late! And that's when realisation sinks into me and i recall that cca in secondary life has ended completely for me and all i have to do is just to study hard and help the school to increase their percentage of As achieved. If this happened when i was in Secondary 1 i would definitely have jumped up and whooped with joy. But as compared to my attitude back then, i have every reason to believe that i have undergone a 360 degree turn in my feelings about my cca. Once, library was horribly boring, with dull, repetitive tasks for us to carry out within a given time span. That was the time when library was filled with mundane activities where librarians carried out these duties with a slightly glazed look, moving about like robots computed to do things which were requested. There was hardly any sign of exuberance or enthusiasm.

Im quite pleased and proud to mention the near complete change of our cca. Of course, nothing is ever perfect and we still have to perform the tasks required of us regardless of how boring they are. however, there are certainly more activities going on now and one such activity which marked a change in my life was the introduction of Scrabble. When i first played it in Sec two, i never knew that this was going to create a huge impact on my lifeless and humdrum life. In fact, it gave me the chance to make so many friends in level mates and juniors. it also made me a happier person... maybe its because of the fact that i've finally found something that i am good in and that i am not pale in comparison with others for once in my life.

Anyway, somehow or other i grew to love this cca and the great people belonging in it. Needless to say, everyone does have their own flaws if you really inspect them close enough, but if you look even deeper into their souls, those are not flaws, they are simply just weaknesses of a person. Weaknesses that each and everone of us possess in one way or another. It is always better to concentrate more on a person's qualities than their weaknesses but most of the time, it is the weakness which most people spot in you first. Which is probably why you need to know the person to know their qualities. This is something which i myself made mistake in. It was typically me to judge a person by her/his cover and those who know me for a long time already will probably hear of me making condemning remarks about others at least once before. However i learnt from experience that this is not always the case, and that people are meant for you to explore and discover their goodness. hmmm...being in the reflective mood im in now, i just read through my entry and realised that i seem to be preaching..haha...

2nd thing i want to talk about:
I just had tuition just now. And we were discussing about happiness and pettiness. "Some people expect others to give them back 100% when they give 100% to the person. And when they don't, these people get very upset and live their lives unhappily."

I think that wad she said was absolutely right. One good example seems to be me(ever notice why the examples are always me? Im ego...not me write for what? after all, its my blog and its about me..haha) I think that it describes me pretty well. Like for example when i treat a person well i fully expect the same out of the person, or i'd feel rather dejected and think of all sorts of ways to excuse their behaviour. Give you an example... (not true but just like an example only) for example, if i write some notes or sth to someone, its like me hinting that i want you to write back to me too. And if you don't i'd be thinking, never mind, you're too busy, you're write later...and then after some time you don't write, i'd settle with horrible thought that i'm just not important to you at all and you'd just set me aside for others. which i guess is true most of the time.

Frankly speaking, i really feel that i have set really high expectations for ppl around me to comply with such that its either they feel suffocated by me or i feel suffocated by my own expectations. But i'm trying to lower these standards as much as i can. I try to believe that as long as they are happy i should be happy too. After all, "its more blessed to give than to receive". Maybe if i "give" more, i'll "get" more next life or sth? haha...fat hope...

3rd thing i want to talk about:
Ahh! Oral coming next monday. Needless to say, given my timid and quiet self, i'm more than just freaked out by it. In fact,i'd probably be suffering from a nervous breakdown on sunday night and shivering from head to toe on monday morning and fainted from fright on monday afternoon. Somebody, give me some medicine to make me strong like popeye the sailor man!

4th thing i wanna blab about:
2530 happiness rocks!
haha...i'd feel pretty empty too when this radio broadcast ends... I hope peter doesnt die. i hope michael goes with lingshan. yeah, thats about all.

5th thing i wanna say:
not too sure...maybe thats all i have to say? haha... yeah...its about time i log off anyway...

*rocks with laughter...my mom just played a tape of my sister singing when she was in kindergarten. So cute, her voice!!!! not like now...last time she sounds just like a china baby! :)

Our Promise (:

8:27 PM