just now in the afternoon we had a sec 4 farewell party. huifang asked if i would cry next year when it was our turn. would i? i asked myself. then decided on a "no, i wouldnt" i added a "i would only cry if i were asked to make a speech, and the reason being i have stage fright". now i rethink about it again. maybe i would feel sad. i dunno....cos after next yr i would be leaving st nicks forever...after 10 years studying there. true, i may be slightly sick of my sch but having studied here for so many years, there is no doubt some feelings for this school. i dun think i can leave happily, i will probably miss walking home from there. wad will life be like in junior college? (if i can get in) it's a whole new experience. i haven had any chance to adapt to new surroundings since there has been no need for me to do so. my primary and secondary school are the same and my frens remain the same people. my house is the same to. i really wonder how i would cope with the whole new completely different life like that. Its somehow rather scary to think about it. its not that im paranoid (like ying ying st clair), i dun go about locking basement doors. anyway, i'll probably miss my cca too...and i hate saying goodbyes, its like asking me to say "i love you" to someone i dun love at all.
Sometimes things become difficult, but you have to do it anyway.
like saying goodbyes...
Our Promise (:
10:02 PM
Shadows make lonely company....will u accompany me instead?
thats my msn nick. Sam seemed to like it a lot...haha..."ur nick nice!" said sam. "nice phrasing, the lonely company part" said sam. i guess it's nice, but at the same time sad and miserable... isnt it really upsetting when someone only has their own shadow for company? the only thing u can confide in is ur shadow and no one else. In the passing of time, you are immersed in your shadow and you and your shadow become one. Reminds me of ying ying st clair from the joy luck club.
I think i'm influenced too much by mrs tian....i seem to refer almost everything to the joy luck club...its a great book tho.
just now in the afternoon mrs tian was giving us a some sort of motivational talk. "the world is your oyster" she said. sam liked it so much she put it up on msn. today we had the sec four graduation stuff. Me, huifang and sam sneaked of to swing. the swing was so low i felt like i was off balanced when the swing swung up. so scary..like i was going to fall off...sometimes u get this scary feeling like u're gonna fall off somewhere....down and down a never ending pit. your heart keeps sinking yet it never reaches the bottom, like you'll never reach the end of the pit. its the worst feeling of all, not knowing what is going to happen and being all so helpless and vulnerable.
what would u do if one day u know something terrible is going to happen to you and yet you are powerless, you can do absolutely nothing to help yourself?
would u start to break down and cry?
You'll never know wad u'll do actually...unless u've been there before.
Our Promise (:
9:09 PM
I have gotta learn how to use sign language...
U know why?
Its because my stupid idiotic voice still cant produce any sound! Argh. and oral is like so near....i have one week to recover...found out that oral is on next thursday. And i'm not the first to take the oral...to certain people, its a good thing, not having to take it first. but to me, its a totally different thing. perhaps its because I'm too used to being first but being first is actually good in its own way. U dun have to worry about thinking of how to greet the teacher when u step in and sit down(not that i'm scared of that...its too minor) and u know that once u finish it u can go home, no more worries or frets. Just go home and either smile at ur success or frown, cry, make a big fuss about your failure.
I just checked my mail, i got an email from sph...is it good news? ...yeps! I got consolation for that book review on tangerine. i remember running around the whole singapore just to find that book. all the libraries i've been to to find that book. wait, there's another mail, under junk email....i wonder....i hope....i wish.....awwww....so damn sad. its not.
Its some stupid junk mail...
knew i was dumb to hope she will reply. would you reply to some silly kindergarten fren of yours when you have a boyfriend to accompany you everywhere you go and several best frens who are so supportive of u being with ur boyfriend and are not even jealous? of cos not. who would do that when their life is almost perfect other than the fact that their school isnt exactly a top positioned school highly ranked among the whole country. I mean, who will care about that when they are so happy all the time?
but if its me and i saw an email from my kindergarten classmate i definitely would reply to her in the most excited manner...but then i'm not the one with a "perfect" life.
oh wells...who would bother about finding kindergarten friends at this stage of life? maybe i should forget about it...why did i want to find them in the first place? silly me.
I dunno if i should go for kidsread this saturday. dun think i should...with a voice like that, the kids will probably get frighten of me and my "good" image would be tarnished. haha....
When the voice comes back, things will happen. no one knows what exactly will happen. just like no one know wad exactly will happen tomorrow.
Our Promise (:
8:34 PM
Tuesday, June 28
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
OH NO...
i'm losing my voice...
oh no...
oral is juz around the corner...
how am i going to speak like that?!!! my voice squeaks when i try a high pitch...
i'm so dead
i haven started studying for physics test tomorrow. i hope i wont fail it. i dun want to drop the subject.maybe if i am sick i wont have to take it tomorrow? if i dun do the paper, there wont be any physics marks to key in in the PPR! and no one will know that if i did the paper, i'll fail!yay! wad a brilliant brainwave!
just took my temperature-36.5 degrees
i am not sick...
is heaven playing a trick on me? never mind...i'll overcome this...i'll drink gallons of water...i'll be fine i'm sure...
who am i kidding?!!!(oops, this sounds like princess diaries,but who cares? my voice!!!!)
i seriously hope it will turn out alright. oral is a definite must do well,i cant dun do well in this. it is a matter of life and death. if i dun do well, i'll regret it forever. and it's all my voice's fault.
i need to drink honey with lime... heard it really helps...
i really hate this voice(my sister can vouch for that)...
Life sucks.
Our Promise (:
6:00 PM
Monday, June 27
My goodness,i cant believe how fast time flies. I'm back in school again! Faced with all the difficulties and stuffs and...
ORAL
Nooooo... It's not the school oral.It's the REAL one.I'm freakingly scared.I want an A for oral.i dont think i can.i want to practice oral.i dun have the time...it's tis thurs.i dunno if i heard right but it's supposed to start this thursday.i dunno when i'm scheduled for it.i only know my ear is a lil blocked.i hope it clears by then or i mite speak even softer.i'm gonna bother my sis again.make her listen to me read in chinese,just like the way she listened for my speech.i did okay.i always do okay when i practise,and she listens. So i must make her listen.so that i can do well again.my sis's gonna groan and moan when she hears this.i seriously dun care.i'm that scared.she'll probably be bored to death but it wouldnt matter if i do well cuz i'll give her a treat. and then she'll be happy. whee....she'll swing on the swing. lalalalala,she'll sing in joy.and i'll be there,watching her.i'll laugh too.cos i did well.not too sure if i'll tho.those were juz my imagination.i probably have an over active mind.not that it helps in studies.no it didnt.my grades didn improve because i imagine.my life doesn improve because i imagine.nothing changes in reality.but yet,in my world of craziness, of wildness, of sadness, of happiness, of strangess, everything changes.i'm happy there.
Our Promise (:
4:19 PM
Friday, June 24
Oh mann....
planning wad the kids play tomorrow at kidsread sure is tough! I dun think the kids can really understand...
Oh mann....
Its tough....I rather be the one playing then planning.. contact sounds disgusting complains my sister...u have to Hold Hands. And its bad when ur hand gets sweaty.
Scrabble is too tough for them...they wont understand. Button in my hand game also a bit weird...i remember playing in primary sch...but i forgot how u pass them without it falling already...
The only one that seems suitable is that take the last letter to form a word one...Poor me and Hui Fang...here thinking so hard just for the kids. Arent they lucky!
Our Promise (:
9:35 PM
I am just cursed. Two of my frens just sent me this message. *Piak* U r cursed by Evil Teddy! Forward to 13 pple to get rid of ur bad luck. Ignore n u will be unlucky for 3 yrs n fail
I dun believe this!
I refuse to believe it!
Dun u all see?
Its just a ploy to get us frightened and waste our hard earned money. Let's all show we're not so stupid! We shall go on strike! No more frightening messages!
Why am i doing this?
Sounds like Im some sort of rebellion leader or something...
well...I'm not.
Our Promise (:
9:08 PM
I finally understood how irritating it must be to have the parapazzi chase after you. Artises, I pity you. Even though my so-called "parapazzi" was only one person(my sister), it was still frustrating to have that one person following you everywhere, thrusting out a paper for your autograph and complaining when you refuse to. Actually, the real reason is not to get my autograph(as if she wants my autograph. Who am I? Just an idiotic sister of hers, though sometimes the word "idiotic" changes to "smart" or "brilliant"-whenever she needs help in school work), but to ask me about maths questions. Boy, was i annoyed. I took a step to the right, she shadowed me. I took a step back, she followed. Finally I had no choice but to help her, since I'm so "brilliant" and "marvellous" (Can't help it, I'm born like that-yeah right). Then it turns out I didn't know how to do it as well. I stared at my sister, tongue-tied, not knowing how to break it to her that her sister is not as smart as she thinks. I decided not to tarnish my own reputation. "Take this one divide by this one times this one and you get the answer." I announced shortly. I looked at it again. Seems correct. Maybe she won't notice it's wrong. My sister nodded gravely with a look of understanding on her face. Seems like I picked the right set of numbers to divide and times. Lucky me. I guess being chased by parapazzi isn't so bad, as long as you have the right answers to face them.
Our Promise (:
8:13 PM
Thursday, June 23
Yo! hohoho...this is so weird mann...i'm here blogging in my sis blog...hmmm...oh well...this is the first time my "think on the spot" cells does not work!!!!oh mann...zhen me ban?i'll be talking crap here...ok...nvm...let me tell u sth...tis is not my blog anyway,so crap a lil neva mind one la...u r such a pig...call me unreasonable...hohohoh...somemore still got that goddess of mercy thing!!!!for goodness sake lor,nowadays still got people talk bout goddess of mercy one meh????haiyo...aniwaez,u should go talk to our neighbour when her status isnt busy...then it'd be fun!!!hoho...have a nice time at kiddy read this saturday...with the cute lil kids there to ying2 jie1 ni3...okok...Signed:ur lil sisto, seline
Our Promise (:
10:48 PM
I'm dead tired.
School is reopening soon.
I haven done my homework.
I hardly did my tuition homework.
I'm dead meat.
Why is my life so SCREWED?????
I can't believe this(I realised I can't believe a lot of things), I'll be back in school in about 4 days time! and i'll probably be in hot soup. Especially maths!!!!!I suddenly realised how amazing I am this year. I actually read 4 chinese books already! and i'm begining on my 5th one now. Haha. Sometimes I wonder what am I doing in this world with such an annoying and unreasonable sister(how dare u! says my sis). But now i'm enlightened(like budhha?). Being trusted with such a sister is probably a test from the Goddess of Mercy. When I've shown that I can handle my sister, I'll probably be given a post in heaven. Yay! Then I wont have to suffer on stupid earth anymore. (Childish! Childish! Sang my sis)
Our Promise (:
10:30 PM
I never knew Chinese books could be interesting. well, some are. At least, I'm begining to like certain types of Chinese books. But of course, English books are always much easier to read and understand. I've made up my mind. One of these days I'm definitely gonna READ and UNDERTAND Chinese books.
Our Promise (:
8:53 PM
Just had oral this morning. Freaky scary especially when u're the first person to take the oral. And what's worse is that the teacher is known for her fierceness and strictness. That really made me break into cold sweat. I mean, going first for oral is almost "no big deal" to me already. Given my name, which starts with an "ab", I'll probably start first for every oral in my schooling life. Anyway, I think I made a mess out of the whole thing. What I said was either out of point, or repeated point. And the passage! So difficult! I can't read loads of words. I think its time to brush up my chinese vocabulary, pull up my socks. I was staring at my porcelain windmill just now and day dreamed. i "dreamt" that every time i breathe in, the dust in my house is gone. When I breathe out, the porcelain windmill starts to spin furiously. I think weird things, I know. I like imagining things because it's so fun. In a train, I like to imagine there's a bomb and I'm the heroine who saved the lives of hundreds of people. In real life of course, I'm just a bespectacled, lazy bum with loads of undone homework, especially maths. I feel really bad. I always convieniently "forget" to hand in maths homework and Miss Quek is so nice. Actually, I haven even started doing them even though it's date due ages ago. I think I better go do them now. I'm determined to turn over a new leaf.
Our Promise (:
8:20 PM
Wednesday, June 22
I reread Hui Fang's blog to find out what i am in her eyes. Being the conceited, self-centred person i probably always am, i used the word-find Rina taught me and searched through the blog for any hint of my name in it. Boy, the stuffs I saw about myself. Can't deny that i felt hurt after reading that. Am i really that superficial? But still, it was fun to read events which included me again. I think i saw Samantha's name appearing more times than mine and less hurting than mine. This goes to show her superior position in Hui Fang's heart. Though recently they had some sort of tiff over soiled garlic bread. But eventually, they're friends again. Sometimes I'm kinda jealous of them. How they seem to laugh at silly things and giggle away like everything is so perfect. How I admire their carefree laughter! How i wanna join them in it! But no, I had to roll my eyes at them and proclaim:"Childish!" And they would still laugh anyway, like nothing is wrong. I like that-being able to shrug things off without a care. Am I being too serious in life or anything? Or maybe it's just the environment we were in and how self-conscious I was. But its totally different matter at home(u can ask my sis). I like going crazy at home. That's when the person I love to be appears. I like disturbing my sister a lot. It makes me laugh to see her get mad at me(like now, she's reading). But later, she can't help but join in my "irresistable" (dun make me vomit out my dinner, says sis) and hysterical laughter. It's weird, u know. Usually its the little one that disturbs the older one but in our house it's vice versa. My dad brought back this huge "FIFA Confederations Cup" poster back for my sister to fill in after each match is over. Being such an avid football fan(haha, u HAD to add that in, says my sis), I'm surprised that she didnt stay up every night to watch these matches. But I bet she'll do so for the World Cup next year.(yes! Definitely, says my sis)She has been waiting for it so long, her neck's gone long. Oh no, I think i'm really gonna fail my maths mid yr review. And the night before i actually watched Rush hour 2!I mean, wad could be more important than a test or exam? (I'm nurtured to think that way) Talking about exams, I suddenly remembered that i've got this Chinese oral tomorrow! Luckily, it's not the O levels Oral. When I told my mom calmly about it just now, she just nodded, smiled sweetly and walked away. I counted to three. As expected, she came walking backwards in a hurry and exclaimed:"O lev oral tomorrow?! And you're not practicing!" She sounded so panicky for me that i felt guilty for not panicking myself. I told her it wasn't the Os and she heaved a sigh of relief. It's really interesting how the way parents seem to be more worried about exams and stuff when we students seem to take it so lightly. It's usually a "big deal" when it comes to tests or exams. I mean, we've had so much of all these that we've become immune to it already. The antibiotic no longer has the same effect.
Our Promise (:
8:07 PM
Tuesday, June 21
My sister and i are having an apple eating competition...i seriously hope i dun choke cos im practically shoving large chunks of apple into my mouth. oops, so diu lian, my sister won. Hmph, no fair, she had her apple first. We choose to get an apple and eat it. Anyway, i just read hui fang's blog. In case you're reading this, hui fang, I'm really proud to have a friend like you, one who is always there, no matter what the weather is. With Rain Or Shine, you always appear. Dun think so lowly of yourself, you're definitely worth much more...twice of me or thrice of anyone else. i hold u in awe, you have such great command of the english language, which i'll probably never have...some times, i feel proud of myself over such minor things i've accomplished, but now i turn and look at things a different angle, i realised that anyone could have easily done what i did. It was no major task. I've yet to prove myself as a person useful to the society or school. i dun regard myself as a failure, neither do i regard myself as a useless idiot, im an in between. Not good, not bad. when will i ever discover the true me? is my true self lain hidden in my shadows like Ying-ying St Clairs in The Joy Luck Club? I guess i'm an easily forgettable person. One that no one really sees and hear...sometimes i wonder if things would be any different for me if i had not studied at SNGS primary school. I remember rather clearly how much i had longed to join my kindergarten friends to study in Mayflower Primary School, a school much nearer and more convienient to go to. Too bad fate had other plans, i was seperated from them. now i want to talk to them again, my kindergarten classmates. too bad no one i know from MF knows their email address or anything..oops..i guess im drifting too far from the intended thought, now too engrossed in painting a pitiful picture of myself. Haha. I ain't.
Our Promise (:
9:40 PM
Bored, seriously bored. Why ain't Hui Fang online at this critical time? Can die of boredom...Dunno why, all of a sudden after i completed my bio essay on amoebae i started to like Bio a lot. So far the only homework i totally completed is Bio. Tell me, am i becoming some Bio FREAK? Seriously hope not...Im totally drained of energy...cos this is the last week of the hols. Wad a desvastating fact! This week got Kidsread though...i hope Sam and Jeri is able to make it. I love the kids there! They're so cute! haha...Got this adorable little girl came up to me last week and smiled so sweetly at me. Then she held my hand shyly and wanted me to sit beside her (be her guardian angel). How sweet of her! My Sister came last week too. i think she got rather fed up when me and hui fang announced that we would go window shopping. She gave me this seriously annoyed look.(i had initially promised her that we would go straight home after Kidsread.)I guess im not one who keep promises...(which is wad my sis hates-go read her blog)
Our Promise (:
9:17 PM
I can't believe i lied. Feel bad mann, but then, everyone lies. No reason why i shouldn't...Right? But i'm so sick of this stupid lie. Have to play along...But it ain't a good idea to tell the truth i know...forget it. I'll just stick to it...Tired...Loads of homework not done yet...My cousin and aunt visited just now. i was dragged out of my bed to listen to them talk about the place i might be going in Nov. Sounds interesting...but disgusting...especially the open air toilets. Aren't they supposed to be exceptionally fresh smelling since it is not enclosed? Unfortunatly, it is heard to be ten times worse than what Singapore toilets smell. How bad can that be? I feel unlucky.
Our Promise (:
8:08 PM
The Princess
Name:Abeline/Shinzo Abe/Maggie/abalone/da mee/xiao mee/abby/Xiao bao/Si mao
age:17! No longer sweet 16:(
sch:NJC
horoscope:Aries!
