we had four periods of maths today. surprisingly i rather enjoyed having maths lesson today. it was a great feeling to be able to understand wad the teacher is talking about and my insides were plaesantly warm when i found that i could actually do these questions given by miss quek at a pace similar or even faster than the rest of the class.
we were scolded by mrs low for our classroom cleaniness. i felt irritated agian. i guess i'm always lke that whenever i know i'm in the wrong. It just disturbs me to have my mistakes made known and i'll instead feel rebellious. i hope the teachers dun read this. dont want them to know wad i think of them, just like i dont really want to know wad others think of me. im curious to know, of course, but i just dun have the courage to find out(even tho i checked the net for my name). im not sure how i'll react if i see that someone i know actually hates me to te core. but i believe nobody really hates me. im too insignificant. they prob cant even be bothered to get mad at me. still, its really better not to find out or my self esteem'll prob drop to zero.
we had extra literature lessons and it was pretty fun writing and writing non stop. mrs tian's love for the joy luck club is infectious. i found myself liking the book more and more. i began to see wad mrs tian meant. sometimes, u can simply relate yourself or anyone u know to any one character in the JLC. i think my sister is a little like Rose, always so indecisive and hates making decisions. it's no good of cos. Let's just hope she doesnt meet that Ted. if she does, pray that Ted doesn lose a lawsuit.
i'm glad we're doing the JLc actually. at first i really thought that the book was dead boring. i counldt understand a single thing and i couldnt be bothered to try and understand(like jing mei cant be bothered to learn chinese) but later on, i found out how interesting it actually is after the first chapter was over. i've always enjoyed literature since sec 1. i loved the book Sing to the Dawn but sec2's The Pearl wasnt really nice. it was the JLC which made me feel relieved that i took literature. it's that good, but a good teacher helps to make the lesson interesting too.
my mom wanted me to read about the NKF thing in the newspaper. she was fairly pissed by mrs goh's statement that $600 000 was peanuts to one who runs a million dollar charitable organisation. i feel pissed too. a rich person might think that $600 000 is peanuts but there are ppl who have neva even seen $600 000 in their entire life. it's definitely not right to make use of money given by poorer ppl to lavishly furnish toilets! wad's wrong with a normal tap? do they really have to have gold plated taps? my mother felt strongly for this topic. i think its because she has been poor before. wad does the rich know about the sufferings of the poor? they have to scrimp and save just to get their daily necessities or have their 3 meals. anyway, the way T T DURAI (he so idiotic man, says my sis) spoke in the Q and A thing made me think of a rebellious teenager retorting back when he is in the wrong.
my dad juz brought back a CD sung by a thai singer Thongchai. somehow or rather, i quite like Thai stuffs. i like Thailand (my favourite country i've been to so far), i like Thai songs (very cute tune) , i also like certain thai ppl (Boonsak Ponsana) i think some Thai ppl do have exceptionally good looks. Boonsak for one, has this unstoppable boyish charm radiating from him. too bad he isnt really performing well now. i hardly see him at any badminton finals, which is really sad. but at least i still have his tape when he played in Olympics last year.
someone just called to carry out a survey. i got all excited and was all ready and prepared to take the survey. then the person asked, " are u above 15 years old?" how disappointing! i shook my head. "huh?" the man asked. i suddenly rmbed that he couldnt see me shaking my head. so i choked out "no" the man laughed and asked"then is there anyone in ur family who r above 15 yrs old?" "er... my mother?" "does she speak english or mandarin" "erm... both?" then i realised how uncertain i sounded. how little confidence i had. i always replies with a question mark, showing how unsure i was. i think i should change that fact. maybe it will help to make more commanding?
I suddenly thought of sth, of all the daughthers in JLC, i had always wanted to be Waverly, but now i suddenly realised how alike Jing Mei and i are. we both value our mother's opinions but yet do not want to show it. we both want to go against our mothers and do the exact opposite of wad our mothers want us to do. we both like to imagine ourselves portraying the prodigy side of us but yet r impatient and do not want to work hard. the imagination part is wad really links me to jingmei. i love to imagine myself as a genius of all sorts since young. i've been to paris for a concert, i've been world N0.1 in table tennis and badminton, i've been the best actress in Hollywood, i've been the inventor of the 20th century, i've been the top student of uni. everything. every night i think of myself as a different somebody with extraordinary talents which marvel the world and caused them to squeal in excitement whenever they heard my name. i loved thinking about such stuffs. it gives me immense pleasure (u're mad)to see myself so successful even tho it is not real. every nite i immersed myself in this world of sucess and fame. every morning i'm famous. but when i stare into the mirror, i do not see the face of one filled with confidence due to fame. i just see the face of this tired and sulky looking girl, annoyed at having to wake up so early and wanting to climb back into bed to sleep! i'm a letdown i know. why cant i just smile and continue the pretense? who knows? i mite really become one famous person cuz of that. but reality hits me hard. i'm wad i'm. i cant become somebody like that. it's almost impossible. but then again , nth is impossible. dreams r wad made all things possible. talking about dreams, i've long aspired to become a writer when i grow older(and write about yourself, crapping all day long says my sis). should i pursue this aspect of life? or should i juz take up courses for accountancy? to think of it, accountancy is really the more practical choice. but i do really want to become an author. it's so much more meaningful and i'll be doing something i love to do. to take up accountancy, one muz be good at maths. i'm not. so i can forget bout it. to become an author, one muz be good at english and perhaps literature. i'm not either. so i can forget bout it. i once wanted to be a teacher too. i wanted to get teacher's day's presents from my students. i like getting presents. i muz make them like me so they'll give me nice presents. but first i muz decide wad i want to teach. then again, i have to be good in a certain subject. i'm not. so i can forget about it... looks like i can forget bout everything isnt it?
dreams against reality and practicality. which will emerge the winner?
let the fight begin...
*i just realised that moi sis is an essence of trouble. she's practically the manufacturer of trouble. wherever she goes, there is trouble. she loves giving trouble. and she has just deleted off my O LEVEL listening comprehension index number. know wad this means? i've to go thru all the trouble to save it all over again. irritating like shit. eat shit la u!
Our Promise (:
9:50 PM
The Princess
Name:Abeline/Shinzo Abe/Maggie/abalone/da mee/xiao mee/abby/Xiao bao/Si mao
age:17! No longer sweet 16:(
sch:NJC
horoscope:Aries!
