;x OURPROMISE// Holdmyhand :DD x;

Tuesday, July 12

I've got a chemistry test on thursday, a social studies test on monday, and a chinese test on tuesday. i haven done anything to prepare for it at all. yesterday we had five periods of maths! i was so tired after school i didnt study. i even forgot to do my chemistry worksheet and had to endure the criticism of my teacher. somehow or rather i felt very irritated when she indirectly scolded me for not doing my work. "you can lie to me, but you cannot deceive yourself." she says and i can feel her gaze burning onto me. i felt annoyed. but perhapsthis annoyance was to cover up for my guilt. guilty that i dui bu qi zi ji(let myself down) and is harming myself.

it is important that you get into a good jc so that you wont be looked down upon for the rest of your life. It is shown in kidsread. XXX really suck up to those JC people and lick their boots! Well, maybe im just exaggerating a little because of my hatred for her. right now, im perfectly contented with my life, except for the fact that i get fuming mad when i see her. she is defintely a thorn in my flesh. you can say im biased against her but i dun care. it's probably obvious that i don't like her and she doesnt like me back. i dont mind leaving it like that. i dont want to like her and i dont want her to like me. to be frank, i'll be very pleased to wash my hands off kidsread in August. No more XXX to face. Hoorah. But bad point is, i like the kids there. they're so adorable but not exactly innocent tho. At such a tender age, they prob know more bout relationships than i was in primary 3!

My sister asked me when is the nearest public holiday. i scanned thru the calendar. it is national day. one more month to go. someone came to my class last week to pass us this form. we were to make a choice of which activity we want to participate in after national day. now, i sort of regret putting down scuba diving and kayaking. should have chosen rock climbing and abseiling. that's something to boast about i hope.

at first i thought the whole level would be going, but it turns out to be only an EC-only activity. i think its jolly mean of me, but somehow i feel privileged to be in EC. it sounds nice and we do fun stuffs. I used to envy (and also despise) people in good classes when i was in sec 2. i thought it was really unfair. why did they deserve all the good stuffs when we couldnt have it? but now that im in a class like that, i began to feel glad that its like that. its fun to take part in activities which involved only te so-called better classes in sec 3. i think i better make full use of it now since i'll probably never enter such a class again. in fact, with any luck, i might just manage to enter JC. forget about the prestigious schools. they're too good for me. i cant even grasp hold of maths formulas, how can i pass maths?

sometimes i feel ashamed of myself. im so lazy. i appear lazy. i am lazy. usually when i say i didnt study for a test, i really didnt study. not like most ppl, they claim they dont study, they appear like they dont study. but when the test arrives, they shock you with their excellent results and smile smugly, attempting a humble remark when u could only stare in shock. I know, because i was like that once too. but obviously i didnt produce excellent results. they were actually far off my expectations. now, i practically gave up studying. it's just too hard. but they say that to be successful, you need to possess 99% of hardwork and 1% of intelligence. so i've decided to start by completing all my hw. i hope this works.

My parens just noticed that my sister's general knowledge is much better than mine. they attribute this to the newspapers she has been reading day and night. she seems to appear to be hungry for knowledge, with the desire to learn more news but i think its just an excuse to not do homework. but im worse. i dont do hw, neither do i read newspapers. my parrents scold me for not reading the newspaper. they scold me for reading Life! only. they scold my sister for reading the newspaper all the time. how weird can they get? wad exactly do they want? to read, or not to read? both results in scoldings and i can never understand wat is it that they truly wants from us.

Maybe it's becos of the generation gap and that probably results in communication break down. but it cannot be. my parents and i both speak english. my parents and i both speak chinese.there is no way we can misunderstand each other. in a way, its good, we made our opinions known to each other so we know how each of us feels about a certain topic. And we rake up a fuss when we dont agree with each other. nothing out of sorts. A typical normal family, full of quarrels and arguements. Arguements which brings the family closer together. Like the italian family in the JLC.

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Shuxiang sent me a message. she said she liked her present and she enjoyed reading my letter. i'm glad she thinks that way. i'm also glad she doesnt know that i thought her birthday was on the 6th july. i'm sure it would be very awkward if i passed shuxiang her birthday present o the wrong day. i've been feeling very guilty about it. i promise i wont make this mistake again. i remember she was sick on her birthday or something, cos she wasnt in school. so i juz put it under her desk yesterday during recess.

there was this CIP list list being passed around during lesson time. i realised that i was ( so far) the only person who did above 40 hours of CIP. it's all due to library and kidsread. to tell the truth, i much prefer CIP at AMK library. it's much more interesting in a way. at library, we get to see ppl from all walks of life, old, young... everybody. one bad point is that we arent allowed to talk at all. i wonder y, really. what's wrong with chatting a little? it helps to make work more fun and it is also easier to pass time like that. i'm having my chinese listening comprehension this friday. i certainly hope i dun get 10/20 again. that was so embarrassing and shameful. fancy getting a 10 when most get 18? like munyee. i really think she's a genius or something. always so smart. sometimes i almost wish i can be her instead of myself. true, everyone has their own good qualities, but i strongly believe that some have more good qualities than others. i, for one, is one with less good qualities. she, for one, is someone with more good qualities. it's not that i'm trying to lift her to the sky or something. no i dun think that highly of her. it's just that i know she's better than me. Sometimes, its really stressful to sit beside a smart alex like her. every time i look over after completing one maths question, she'll be working on the next questionm already. it's like she's always one step ahead, and me, one step behind. but i'm not complaining. no use i'm born like that. it's nobody's fault i guess. but i'll try to be smarter.

but is it really possible?

i dunno.

Our Promise (:

8:49 PM